Just About Me - The Forgotten Bits 2

Around 1986, I was indoors with Mandy and actually getting ready for bed at the time, I had the most excruciating pain in my lower back, I tried to rub it and manipulate it but it just made it worse, I tried having a bath but nothing would shift it. So I told Mandy to call for an ambulance, when it arrived the medical team suggested that I sit in a wheelchair and be taken too the ambulance, I just got up and walked down the stairs informing them that it would be quicker. We arrived at the A&E dept at St Charles Hospital, W10 and was taken straight in to a an observation unit, they could not administer any pain killing drugs because at that time they did not know what the problem was, I now know it to be Kidney Stones, by now I was stark naked and laying on my side and a female doctor appeared with a large tub of K Y Jelly, as she started fumbling about with my rear end I shouted "Mandy, Mandy" she replied "What is it love" I then said "Your right, it does hurt" even the doctor laughed.

Another time we had to visit the hospital, was for Mandy who was having an Asthma attack, we went into A&E and they decided to give her a nebulisor, she was laying there with the face mask on and a big cylinder of oxygen, the doctor asked me to come in and could I give her a bit of support, he then threw me out for chanting "Come On Mandy", I promise that this is a true story.



Written By Paul Martin Allen - Between 10th July 2011 to 8th August 2011 

Just About Me - The Forgotten Bits 1

Approx 1972, I was working for the solicitors, I had to walk from the Law Courts in the Strand to Somerset House, as I got closer I noticed a fairly large crowd standing outside, there was a side gate entrance to Somerset House and ignoring all the people I walked on in, as I got in I noticed a large statue in the courtyard covered by a large sheet, suddenly the crowd started to applaud a big black limousine, I stood still very near the statue, The Queen stepped out and unveiled the statue, funny thing is I don't recall her saying anything, she must have done so but I seem to remember her simply getting back in the car and driving off, not even a "Hello Paul".

In 1979, I worked for a company named ESS Security, I felt quite honoured to be asked to work as Front of House security for the Royal premier of the mega movie hit Alien , starring Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, John Hurt and Veronica Cartwright. It was attended by Prince Charles , I also had to go to the same cinema all week because it was such a popular film and lots of people came to see it, I personally must have seen that film at least 20 times, I never liked it then and doubt I would now. Quite a few years later I worked with Joe on the premier of Miss Saigon, we did the after party on the South Bank of the River Thames, we were there all week whilst they erected a giant marquee, they then sailed down to the party on chinese junk's.

I only ever worked once at Wembley Arena, the concert was by the American group the Commodores, I was stationed on the door that led through to the dressing rooms when a tall black guy went to walk past me, I told him that without a pass he was not coming in, he replied that without him their was no show, then their ain't no show son says I. He turned and walked away, a short while later he returned on this time he had the promoter Harvey Goldsmith with him, Harvey asked me why I had refused the guy admission, he has no pass I said, he is Lionel Ritchie he says, I had never heard of him let alone knew what he looked like, in fairness he supported my stance, and the show went ahead. He didnt do too badly in the music game and I reckon I secretley helped his career along.

Just About Me 40

I started out in 1956 and have now reached 2011, when I think of the innovations in my reasonably short existence it just amazes me, In England where I live, one thing that has been consistent is The Queen, one of them, we have gone from two black and white TV channels to over 100 in colour some are HD and some are 3D, three lions have won the football and rugby world cups, four major conflicts involving the British Army, the VHS Recorder has been and gone along with the CD player, spangles, the aztec bar, baggy trousers, brutus shirts, crombie overcoats, three wheel vans. I have had ten addresses, lived through 11 US presidents and 12 Prime Ministers, I have owned a three wheel tricycle, subbuteo, spirograph, a Johnny seven gun, Bjorn Borg socks, at least eleven motor cars. I have seen my football team go from being fairly good to absolute rubbish and now they are considered one of the top teams in Europe. I have seen my daughter grow into a young lady going into her second year of high school, and watched my wife grow from a shy seventeen year old girl into a confident forty five year old woman. I am lucky that I sill have my Mum and Dad with me, and can honestly say that I have never fallen out with my two brothers in the whole of my adult life. I have in my eyes lived a really exciting life, I have earned fortunes and spent the lot, they say you can not take it with you, I have also heard the saying money does not bring you happiness, but never from a rich person. The future, who knows, I just hope my daughter has a long and happy life with her health intact, but as my friend David Draper always says "There's a lot of football still to be played"

Just About Me 39

In May 2008, we decided to go to Australia, the 3 of us and my Mother In Law Annette, the plan was to come back via Disneyland in Florida, USA. We made enquiries about it and I asked my work if they were OK with me taking my holiday all in one go, they were not only in agreement but we were offered the chance to visit South Africa as well, we were offered Holly's own house in Hermanus, near Cape Town, well it would have been rude to refuse wouldn't it, so we booked up to first go to South Africa onto Australia and finish up in the USA oh and then home. Hermanus was a two hour drive from Cape Town and it is a stunning drive at that, the house is truly amazing and the area is wonderful. We visited some amazing places whilst there, Simons Town where you have penguins on the beach, to vineyards and the Birkenhead brewery to the wildlife we saw, Antelopes, Zebras and Ostrich's. On to Sydney, Australia for 2 days, we saw Sydney Harbour Bridge and had a cup of hot chocolate near enough on the steps of the Opera House, and I absolutely loved Darling Harbour. Moving on to Brisbane, Australia. We stayed with Mandy's relations Jill and Charlie and their family, they took us around Brisbane and we visited all the families houses which have to be seen to be believed. We went to a place called Childers for a wedding and visited the Bundaberg Rum Distillery. A short 10 hour flight to Los Angeles for a one day stop over, we went on a guided bus tour of the city, seeing Hollywood Boulevard and all the golden stars in the sidewalk. Finally 3 days in Orlando, USA and all the major Disney parks just for Laura. And then to Gatwick and home to Carshalton, over too soon if you ask me.

When I started to use public transport again to get to work it was a bit of an eye opener, the first couple of days, I stood at the 80 bus stop with about 4 other people, and not one person spoke a word to another, the next day was the same with the same people, the next day I had had enough, I carried a bag to work and promptly dropped it on to the floor, it landed with a loud thud and I now had  everyone's attention "Right" says I "This is my third day here, I will be here everyday and my name is Paul" we all struck up a conversation, probably about the service or the weather, now in 2011 I get on the bus and sometimes the driver knows my name. I speak to at least 25% of the other passengers, some have become real friends, among them are office worker's, chef's, printer's, decoraters, pensioners and school children and you know what they all talk to each other, I consider this a job well done, and hopefully proves that sitting next to the nutter on the bus is not such a bad thing after all.

Just About Me 38

This was painted by a lady named Tin Odulakowski, it is life sized (6ft 3ins and not so Fat) it was sold to somebody in America for £5,000

Just About Me 37

In July 2004 I was to be honest on the edge of depression, I was in bed one morning at about 10am, the phone rang, on the other end was my friend Nick Pomeroy, he asked me what I was up to, I replied nothing, he then said that a friend of his, Holly, was moving offices and wanted me to look after her, I said that I had a friend named Holly, he then shocked me by telling me it was the same person. I told my wife that Holly was really lovely, that she wanted me to watch her furniture and stuff being moved, and that she would probably pay me a couple of hundred quid for doing so. Holly Bellingham saved my life quite frankly, she asked me to visit her at her office in Lime Street, EC3. I waited in reception and her husband Simon Turner greeted me with a friendly "Hello mate", Holly came out carrying a painting, I gave her a cuddle and kissed her cheek, we went into her boardroom, by the way Holly was the Chairman of a major Lloyds of London Underwriting Insurance Company, it is called Marketform, it was in the boardroom that Holly showed me a painting of a building in Lloyds Avenue, London.The artist responsible for the painting was her mother. It was the building that her company were moving into, she spoke of my smiling face on her door and how nice to be greeted in the mornings etc. It became clear to me that she wanted me "Your offering me a full time job" I said " Of course I am you silly sod " she replied, I explained that I thought it was a one off removal job and she started to laugh. Well once again, I nearly cried, somebody had had faith in me, and as far as I am concerned she saved me from a life of Benefit's, and yes I mean the dole queue. Let me introduce you to my friend Holly, she is a wealthy woman in her own right, although to talk to her it is no different to talking to your mate down the pub, she is the most generous giving person I have ever met, she never ceases to amaze me, I was with her once and witnessed her paying for a family of four to go on a holiday abroad, a holiday they had never had because one of their children was recovering from leukemia and they just could not have afforded it.
She is everyones Mum, but dont you dare take the piss out of her or you know about it, from her I mean.
I started working at Marketform in October 2004, at first I can not lie, I hated it, I was used to night hours and all the things that happen in London at night, I am the front of house security man, and people would be telling me how much better off I would be, I thought they were mad, but you know what, even if the wages are a lot less than Raffles I really do enjoy it. And I would like to record here and now just how grateful I am to the people who work at Marketform for making me feel welcome every day.

Just About Me 36

 In January 2003, a lady came into Raffles and put £1,000 behind the bar, this was to ensure that her daughter and her guests had a great time at the young ladies 21st birthday after party drinks gathering, the next night a group of about twenty young people came in, all of them were incredibly polite and either shook my hand or inthe girls case kissed my cheek, at the back of the group were 3 forty something year old men. I thought it a bit strange that these 3 were hanging out with the youngsters but hey this was Raffles and I had seen funnier things. My receptionist was quite excited about one of the young men, I thought she fancied him and was making fun of her, She told me that it was Prince William, I said not to be silly, I would have noticed him. So off I marched into the main bar area, as I opened the door the 3 older guys all stood up as one and gave me the once over, and there at the bar talking to an oriental "lady" was indeed Prince William, the party was for his now wife Kate Middleton, He was a really nice young bloke, he came and sat at the door for a few minutes and we had a chat, he supports Aston Villa so we shared a bit of banter, at the end of the evening the group wanted to walk along the Kings Road, this really pissed the 3 older guys off as they followed in there Range Rovers, a memorable evening by any standard.

So now we lived in Carshalton, Surrey. It was 2003 and things were looking good for us, I was still earning extremely good money, so I spent another £10,000 on improvements to the house, so in about a year I had laid out approx £30,000 in cash, this was fine until April 2004, I was called to a meeting with the owner of Raffles and another guy, they told me that they were going to renovate Raffles and that it would reopen in a different way, they said I would no longer be the doorman and that I was to be a greeter, in hindsight I should have refused and told them that I was happy with my terms and conditions and that I would remain in my doormans role, but I sat there and thought that as a 41 year old man this maybe the future for me. So I accepted, I was told to have a holiday and come back in June for the reopening. I then hired an enormous villa in Portugal for a week and the 3 of us escaped to the sun. We had a great time, our own pool, electric gates, orange and lemon trees in our own garden, Laura even got her own job in the local pub, she was only 4 but every night she would pick Lemons and go behind the bar to serve the locals. And then came the grand reopening of Raffles, they had given my job to two very flash young yuppie girls with clipboards, about 6 miserable looking eastern european security men complete with ear pieces, and me standing there in my dinner suit and black bow tie. People were turning up who came there on a regular basis and these 2 silly girls were refusing them entry, I stood there in disbelief and was told to mind my own buissnes by the guy in charge, we had quite a row but I was by now a bit concerned, then something happened that made up my mind, a young bloke in ripped jeans and trainers tapped me on the shoulder "Hello Paul mate" he says, he was a bloke who I had known since he was about 12 from the estate I had lived on, nice enough fella but this was Raffles the home of Lords, Ladies and Millionaires. If this was the future then I was most definatly the past. I came home at 2am and I am not ashamed to say that I sat in my front room and cried my eyes out. After about 17 years and doing the door single handedly with only a handful of troublesome incidents, I would not allow any, I was a washed up old has been. I never went back to Raffles and I never will, I am just not interested and truly believe that my time was the best time.

Just About Me 35

Some years before, we had bought a four bedroom house in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk. Mandy's mum lived there at the time, we bought it to let out for holidays and was charging £200 pw, it was all going to plan until my mother in law decided to move back to London, I did not blame her as all her kids live in London, we rented the place out anyway. Forward on to 2001, the three of us were now living in a one bedroom flat in Fulham, so Mandy went to the council to enquire about a two bedroom place, she was told to come back when Laura was 12, she asked what would they do if we had another child, they told her it could sleep in the bath. Well I don't know about you but I think that is slightly unreasonable. Before we carry on, all you people who are thinking, why not move to Great Yarmouth, well I worked in the Kings Road, Chelsea, a three and a half hour drive away on a clear road. So we decided to try and buy our one bedroom flat as well, I knew a chap who was quite high up in the Abbey national and he arranged another mortgage, we bought the flat for £72,000, it was valued at £110,000, we somehow qualified for the full discount. So now we owned two places. Why would you want to buy a one bed flat Paul, I hear you ask, simple if you sell the flat within three years you have to pay back the discount, but you can live in it for one year and then rent it out, So that's what we did. In 2002 I met a chap who worked in Southgate who arranged mortgage's, he sorted one out for us and told us to go and find a house and let him know about it, we found a 3 bedroom house in Carshalton, Surrey. He not only sorted out our mortgage of £151,000 after I had paid a cash deposit of £17,000, he also arranged the sale of the house in Great Yarmouth. So we now owned two places within a five mile radius, the flat in Fulham will hopefully one day pay off my mortgage in Carshalton with a bit over, only time will tell.

We also in 2000 bought a chalet in Leysdown, Isle of Sheppey, Kent, it cost us £3,000 and we went halves with my Mother in Law Annette Sime. It was never really my cup of tea although I did have Sky TV fitted and an air conditioning unit, we had it converted from calor gas to all electricity, and a bit of landscaping, all in all it probably cost us about £6,000 in total. Mandy,Laura and Annette loved it, they would go down most weekends and sometimes stayed the week, it was great for Laura as there was no traffic on the site. It was fairly near to all the major Kent towns, and some really lovely villages. We sold it in 2005 for about £4,000 as the yearly charges became too much for us.

Just About Me 34

The first time I was involved in throwing someone out of a place was at Hammersmith Odeon, myself and Bernie Kelly went in amongst a crowd of people to tell this guy to behave himself, he told Bernie to Fuck Off, in them days it was not a good idea to swear at Bernie, the guy left the building with both of us dragging him down a flight of stairs and onto the pavement, he tried to come back in and was politely refused by a large size 10 up the arse. The next time was at Raffles, a chap refused to pay his bill of over £100, I held him around the throat whilst the manager took his wallet and paid it for him, he was given a receipt and then escorted at speed to the exit. The funniest one I recall was a guy named Mark, now Mark was a wealthy man and thought he could buy anything and anyone, for some reason he took a dislike to my brother in law Dennis, he came in and left his coat with me, now I am no cloakroom attendant so took the coat and folded it nicely and then threw it in a corner, he just laughed, As he walked past 3 of my drivers he politely said hello to the first 2, the third was Dennis who he swore at and made rude signs at, I told him to apologise, and he said sorry Paul, and then swore at Dennis again. I was fuming and told him that if he did not apologise I would throw him out, once again he said sorry Paul, and blow me over if he don't swear at Dennis again, Well that was that, the door flew open and Mark flew out after it, he was shocked to land on his arse on the pavement, I slammed the door shut but then realised I still had his coat, so I opened the door again to find him still sitting there, he said sorry Paul as the coat wrapped itself around his head, he phoned up the next day to really apologise.

One of my drivers was a guy named Gary, I can only describe Gary as a nut case, some nights he was a real funny guy but on others he would turn up at strange times and with some strange things, their are three amazing stories to share about Gary, one night at about 2am, I was standing on my door taking in the night air, when I saw Gary pull up, he would sit there beckoning me over to show me something, this night he got out of the car and opened his boot to reveal a box full of forged £50 notes, the only way you could tell they were forged was because every single one contained a watermark of the Queen......with a beard, now you tell me why anyone would go to the trouble of making such good copies and then putting an unshaven monarch onto them, he wanted £8 each for them, I declined and he drove off. Another occasion he pulled up and in the boot was a pump action shotgun with smoke emerging from it, I was startled a bit, I asked him what he had done, he told me that he had been driving past Battersea Park and wondered what the gun would sound like, so he had hopped over the fence into the park and fired it, bare in mind it was about 2.30am, I told him he was mad and closed my door quickly. But the best one for me was the time he pulled up in a Mercedes people carrier with blacked out windows, calling to me "Paul, Paul, its Crespo" he then slid open the rear door and in the back was Hernan Crespo, Chelsea's Argentinian forward and his wife, they could not speak a word of English, and to say they were bemused when Gary would not let them out, he slid the door closed and said " I thought you would like to see him " and then drove off.

Just About Me 33

December 31st 1999, the turn of the millennium, a very special occasion indeed, the turning of a thousand years. So special that Raffles, now in private ownership, decided to open for an extra two hours until 5.00am.
I thought this was wonderful as they also paid me an extra £500 for the two hours. We all started work with great anticipation of the crowds of people about to descend upon us. Well they did all FIVE of them, everyone had been made aware by the great British press that drinks and food were going to be astronomically priced, and they had all decided to have house parties, of the five people who did bother two tipped me £50 each so it was a most profitable evening for myself. Outside the crowds were thronging the Kings Road on the way back from watching an enormous firework display.

Talking of fireworks reminds me of a job I had done in August 1989, myself and Joe had the pleasure of doing the security for the 200th anniversary party for the Savoy Hotel, the guest list was a real who's who of politicians of the day and the directors of the Savoy. Among them were Margaret Thatcher, John Major, Geoffrey Howe, Nigel Lawson, Paul Channon, Kenneth Clarke and interestingly Adam Faith, Adam Faith as you know was a 50s British pop star turned actor, his real name was Terry Nelhams and he was a director of the Savoy Hotel. They all had a champagne reception and a fine dinner and we then had to escort all of them around to the pavement in front of the savoy, whilst two motorbike policeman stopped the traffic for a better view, for them to watch £30,000 worth of fireworks launched into the skies from on board the Hispaniola that was moored up on the Thames. Can you imagine that, just the two of us and the majority of the British Government traipsing round the streets for a firework display, once again I had no police checks and I very much doubt that Joe did either. At the end all the guests were given a gift, I asked if myself and Joe could have one and was pleasantly surprised to receive a ceramic plate with a painting of the savoy in 1789 on it, I reckon it is possibly the only thing I own that is worth more than two bob, I often wonder if Joe still has his. Ironically this event took place on the same night of the Marchioness disaster on the River Thames.

Just About Me 32

I arrived home from work at about 3.40am on June 25th 1999, to be greeted by the site of my pregnant wife in a kneeling position and clinging on to the bed head, she was obviously in pain, so I sat down and had a bowl of cornflakes and a cuppa, not really, but I bet your now laughing, She got ready and off we drove to Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. She was examined and hooked up to a heart monitor and we waited, about 8.50am I popped out to buy a paper and have a crafty cigarette, I got in the lift to go back and guess what, yes the lift got stuck, it was only stuck for five minutes or so but a bit panicky.
On Friday 25th June 1999, Our daughter arrived by Caesarean section, Laura Chelsea Elizabeth Allen, she was born at 9.35am and weighed more than my turkey did at Christmas, a whopping 8lb 12oz. I was in the delivery room, and if I am honest I only really remember Mandy laying there shivering, and this small bundle being carried across the room. I was like a lost sheep just standing there and Mandy had to tell me to go and have a look at my daughter, she was so small to me and wrapped up in a shawl with a woolen bobble hat on, it was luckily multicolored and not red and white with United written on it. In no time at all we were all transferred to a ward, a nurse was busy assisting Mandy and Laura so I did what any right minded man would, I buggered off home for a kip, I vividly remember going to the underground car park to retrieve the car and stopping stock still in my tracks as the realisation set in that, this small baby was totally reliant on this big lump and her mum, we would have to teach her so much and become totally responsible adults, easy for Mandy but for this then 42 year old man it would be a challenge.
We were really lucky and received some outstanding baby gifts, in fact we received at least one gift a day for the first 38 days of Laura's life, from places as far away as the USA and Australia via Family, Friends and a lot of Raffles regulars, we also received some money that we have put away for when Laura is older.

Also in 1999, a friend of mine from Raffles, Lara Levy, when I first knew her she was Lara Matthews, anyway Lara was working for a lady from an advertising agency, they were in the process of making a TV advert for Nicorrette, these are stick on patches to help you give up smoking. Lara asked me if I fancied taking part, the company provided a full course of patches and a video camera to keep a video diary of yourself giving up smoking, they would then feature you in a TV advert for the product. I jumped at the chance and duly collected my supply and the camera, I was smoking up to 50 cigarettes a day, I used the patches for a couple of days, on the Saturday I was going to Leicester to watch Chelsea play, I slightly overslept and had to run to Stamford Bridge to get on the coach, Chelsea drew 2-2, it was not until I got home from a non smoking day, that I realised that I had forgotten to apply the patch. That was that I never used the patches again, now to get around the problem of the video. I basically grew a very large amount of stubble, filmed myself talking about the patches and the effects of them, then I changed my shirt and did the same, then changed it again, had a shave, took the shirt of etc, at he end I got Mandy to video a blank wall whilst I talked about not smoking, at a given signal she swung the camera around and videoed me with patches all over my face saying "Giving up smoking was easy, but how do you give the patches up", they never used my tape, but as I write 12 years on I have never had another cigarette. A big thank you to you Lara Levy.

Just About Me 31

Around 1997, the LBHF had had a big review of the caretaking service, and they had changed the working hours and the way we worked, frankly I hated it, I had no end of arguments with the boss and decided to take a bit of time off, a bit developed into a lot, but I still went to work at Raffles every night.
One day I got a phone call from somebody I knew in the trade union office telling me that someone from the council had sat in a restaurant opposite Raffles and had videoed me working. Now the rules are that if you have worked as a residential caretaker for ten consecutive years and you leave, they have to rehouse you, if your sacked you have to get out of their flat and rehouse yourself. So I beat them to it and resigned, the bosses faces was a picture I can tell you, but in fairness they were to win the day eventually. I received a letter one day from LBHF telling me I had to vacate the flat in Sulivan Ct immediately, I took great pleasure in reminding them that I had in fact worked for them for twelve years and to think again. They then informed me that they only had to make us one offer take it or leave it, we managed via fair and foul means to receive five offers, I managed to refuse the first four one bedroom flats on the grounds of dampness, location too far away from our mums (Mandys lived in Great Yarmouth) we even turned one down for being on the top floor of a tower block, and we may have become suicidal and jumped off, not good publicity for them. Between the fourth and fifth offers they told us we going to be evicted, now that was a bit frightening I must admit. During all of this a friend of mine from Raffles, a man named Nick Pomeroy not only put me in touch with a friend of his, Mary, a QC/Barrister who gave us some advise, but he also paid her as well, I will never forget what Nick did for us, anyway eventually a fifth offer came, this time they had done there homework, a third floor one bedroom flat in Lancaster Court, Fulham, SW6, in an identical position to our two bed in Sulivan Ct. We were snookered and had to accept, so really I guess, it was honours even.

Speaking of Nick Pomeroy reminds me of the 1997 FA Cup Final, Chelsea beat Middlesborough 2-0 to win, that night I went to work in my Dinner Suit as usual, with my black bow tie, but worn around the neck of my Chelsea shirt,  any kind of dress code went out of the window as I let anyone who turned up in Chelsea shirts in for the evening and into the early hours. Nick and his friends were amongst them and we all sang football songs all night, it was a truly memorable occasion and one which I am sure all Chelsea fans present remember with a big smile. You must remember that the majority of these people were not run of the mill working class people but very influential quite wealthy folk, I discovered in my time at Raffles that all people are the same, rich or poor, we all just do a different job of work. 1997 FA Cup Final What a great night!

I never really noticed the loss of wages from the council, by now I was running approx 12 cabs and with commission and extras was averaging £800 pw, time moved on and in 1998 Mandy became pregnant, we were ecstatic but ever so cautious. We went to the first scan and to say that I was nervous is an understatement. All was well and to hear our babies heartbeat was miraculous, to think that little noise keeps on going for around about 80 years truly is a miracle.

Just About Me 30

Lets have a couple of caretaking tales, because you must remember that I now had two full time jobs, my wife still worked as well.

Around 1995, we had a batch of new caretakers start, one was black, one was Asian, one was physically disabled, one was stone deaf with a little dog that jumped up and down when the doorbell rang and one was a woman. Nothing wrong with any of that as long as people are employed because they are the best candidate for the job, but not as in LBHF case, to fill their political pigeon holes, if they had employed a one armed Irish lesbian banjo player I would not have been shocked. The woman they employed was to become my new partner (workwise) Roberta (Bobby) Turner, Bobby was a lovely girl who in all honesty was good at her job, and on many occasions covered for me whilst I was here there and everywhere doing little security jobs.
One day we were out at work when somebody told us they had not seen a neighbour for a good few days, so off we trotted to find them, the obvious place to look is at there home address, I opened the letterbox to shout through and it became very obvious by the terrible smell that the chap had died, Bobby started to put her shoulder into the door to get in but as big as she was she simply bounced off, so I told her to mind out of the way and put my size 10 boot through the lock and the door flew backwards, at that moment Bobby brushed me aside and rushed in ahead of me, I was really shouting at her not to touch the old boy, now I dont know if you the reader are aware, if someone has been laying dead for a few days, their body fills with gasses and the skin thins, and if you touch them in the wrong place, they will explode, and frankly I did not fancy the geezer exploding all over us. I once found a guy who had died in front of his gas fire that was on, he basically welded himself to the floor. Anyway that's enough humour for now.

On the evening of the August bank holiday, I was indoors with Mandy and my Mum and Dad, we were just chatting and having a drink, there was an awful lot of noise and commotion outside so I went to take a look. I lived on the third floor and as I looked over the balcony I saw my next door neighbour John and another guy in the block Steve, rolling around on a grassed area having a right old tear up. I decided enough was enough and made my way downstairs, I heard my Mum shout to "watch out, he has a knife", sure enough when I got there John did have a knife and was indeed stabbing Steve with it, what I did next I really can not explain why I did it, I wrapped my hand around the blade and twisted it in Johns hand, I told him to let the knife go or I would snap his arm into two pieces, I stood on his arm and I think he realised that I meant it because he let go and jumped up and ran away. Steve limped over to a wall and laid on it, I placed the knife into a large dustbin for safety, I went to offer Steve some help and he bluntly refused, he was a strange chap anyway but did not deserve to be stabbed, it was then that a policeman came hurtling towards me waving a large baton and shouting at me, I put my hands straight up in the air and surrended, I told him that I was the caretaker and if he waited a few minutes he would find a large knife in the bin, I could not afford for him to do it straight off as other people were now watching, and to some helping the police is not allowed. The next day I went to the local police station and gave them a written statement, I asked if they had got John but he was still missing, they were not unduly worried by this and said he will turn up. Unbelievably, the following Sunday, there was a loud banging on my door, I rushed out to confront whoever was there, I could not believe my eyes, about fifteen armed police officers rushed into my passageway, helicopters overhead, a police woman asked me where he was, " What the fuck are you talking about luv" says I, she replied John, your neighbour, I shouted at them to search the premises and not to forget the back balcony and to make sure they checked under the bed, Mandy was terrified and quite rightly so. It turned out that Steve, yes the guy whos life I had saved, had reported seeing John enter my flat, well as you can imagine I was a tad pissed off, I went to the station to complain but was fobbed off. I attended Southwark Crown Court as a witness everyday for four months and frankly I was pleased that John got found not guilty through some smart lawyer suggesting that he was the agrieved, British Justice at its lowest if you ask me.

Just About Me 29

In approx 1993, I was approached by the Managing Director at Raffles, she explained that she wanted me to work directly for Raffles and that the club would not be renewing Joe's contract, she offered me £14000 per year wages, and by now I was earning approx £500 pw in tips and extras on top of this. For me it was a no brainer, I phoned Joe and told him of the offer, unfortunately we fell out over it but to this day I know I did the right thing, as much as I enjoyed working for Joe, he simply could not match this offer. So I became the clubs solitary doorman, I had some fantastic times at Raffles and I have met many people who have become my friends, one in particular, Holly Bellingham was to feature heavily in my life but that was far off in the future.
Whilst at Raffles I also met many celebrities and politicians and believe it or not one or two of them also became friends, David Coulthard and Jeremy Clarkson, I met David one night when he came in as a guest of another guy, he had not even started Formula One motor racing and was still a single guy, I remember that his friend also called David dragged him to a pub where they promptly met two attractive ladies and came back laughing, he was always really nice to me and always had time for a sit down and a long chat, he also was a great tipper, always a £50 note.

The Jeremy Clarkson story is, Top Gear, the well known BBC TV series hired Raffles to film an article about a Ferrari, at the time we were strictly a jacket and tie establishment, Jeremy turned up in jeans and we had a problem with that, they also had a very glamorous actress,  so I suggested that he drive the Ferrari and park outside the club on the Kings Road, I then walked towards the car and opened the door for the lady to alight. We then cut the camera and started re filming with myself escorting the lady into the club and then spinning around and stopping Mr Clarkson in his tracks and saying " Sir, the lady looks fine, but you unfortunately have jeans on and can not be admitted, at this point I close the door in his face and he says "The keys to a Ferrari open most doors but obviously not this one", and I am proud to say that not only did I make all this up on the day but we filmed it all in one take. You sometimes find it popping up on the UK Gold Channel, please form an orderly queue for autographs. Over the years Jeremy would occasionally pop in for a drink but would always sit at the door telling people he had only popped in for a drink and a chat with Paul.
Whilst at Raffles I worked with several receptionists, but two stand out for me and both have become friends, Angie Bryant is the first one, she wont thank me for this but she is the female me, she is a really good laugh a real crazy lady, she is also Joe's sister in law and must have struggled with her decision to carry on working with me. The other is a lady named Prue Errington, Prue's father was a brigadier in the army and she used to live in Dover Castle, she spoke very nicely and how she put up with my disgusting language and habits I will never know. I am pleased to say that a lot of water has flown under the bridge and myself and Joe and his wife Dee are now all friends again.

Just About Me 28

I am sorry if this is starting to sound like a name dropping session but this was really my life in the early nineties, one of the strangest jobs I had was working with Joe, Simon Hierons and another fella, doing the security for the funeral of the author Roald Dahl, apparently, as I was told Roald was a bit anti Semitic in his younger days, and his family were worried that some fanatics would A- Attack the hearse/coffin and B- Attack the house, Joe and the other fella went off with the coffin, whilst me and Simon guarded the house by playing snooker on Roald's full sized snooker table in anticipation of a hail of missiles that never happened.
I could talk here about my different jobs with famous names but I reckon you will all think of me as a bit flash and a name dropper and that is not meant to be. Maybe at the end I will include an "Afters Page" who knows.

Anyway back to real life, In January 1991 we found out that Mandy was pregnant, we were both so happy about this and started to make provisions for the new baby, off we went for the first scan, Mandy drinking Lucazade by the litre, we went into the scanning room only to be told that there was a problem, she had suffered a miscarriage, it was the Thursday before Easter, April 91, It must be bloody awful for a woman and she must have have felt many times worse than me and I was feeling like the world had caved in, Unbelievably in November 1991, Mandy found out she was pregnant again and on the same day had another miscarriage, women are so much stronger than us men, how can you possibly have to tolerate that twice. People tell me there is a god, but I really do not see it, you hear of so many people harming children and generally abusing everyone around them, so my opinion is that your god ain't there folks.

It was also in this year that Joe had the offer of taking over the the running of the door at Raffles Nightclub in the Kings Road, Chelsea, London SW3. He asked me if I fancied sharing it with him, I still worked for him and I would do 3 nights and he would do 3 nights and the club closed on a Sunday, I gladly accepted this offer and was paid £25 a night between 10pm and 3am, it was either 90 or 91 and I remember starting my first night on a Thursday and a chap telling me that I was "only a club servant" I thought he's in for a shock when I find my feet, on that first night I was letting one of the punters out when I heard the driver of a beaten up old Cortina offer him a taxi ride, he quoted this guy £8 to go to Fulham, approx 1.5miles away, I started laughing and was amazed the guy jumped in, bare in mind that it was probably about a £3 journey in a black cab then. Well that got the little cogs in my head turning over and being one who likes to think he can spot an earner. So I rang a couple of guys up, one being Simon Hierons, and ran the idea past them that they park outside the club and I put the punters into there cars, we would charge £5 to go within a 2 mile radius and a £1 a mile for any extra, I would take commission of £1 a journey and 10% of any long distance jobs, this proved a right little earner, the first job was a guy going to Flood St which is approx 300 yards away from Raffles, and the guy paid his fiver, Simon was stunned but I knew it was a winner, and the first Friday was indeed a winner I earned all together £125 on that night alone on top of my wages through cabs and a couple of tips, a man who worked as the cloakroom guy told me to put a little plate out with a couple of £1 coins in and that I would do OK, after that Friday I asked him if it would be OK to put a bucket out!