The first time I was involved in throwing someone out of a place was at Hammersmith Odeon, myself and Bernie Kelly went in amongst a crowd of people to tell this guy to behave himself, he told Bernie to Fuck Off, in them days it was not a good idea to swear at Bernie, the guy left the building with both of us dragging him down a flight of stairs and onto the pavement, he tried to come back in and was politely refused by a large size 10 up the arse. The next time was at Raffles, a chap refused to pay his bill of over £100, I held him around the throat whilst the manager took his wallet and paid it for him, he was given a receipt and then escorted at speed to the exit. The funniest one I recall was a guy named Mark, now Mark was a wealthy man and thought he could buy anything and anyone, for some reason he took a dislike to my brother in law Dennis, he came in and left his coat with me, now I am no cloakroom attendant so took the coat and folded it nicely and then threw it in a corner, he just laughed, As he walked past 3 of my drivers he politely said hello to the first 2, the third was Dennis who he swore at and made rude signs at, I told him to apologise, and he said sorry Paul, and then swore at Dennis again. I was fuming and told him that if he did not apologise I would throw him out, once again he said sorry Paul, and blow me over if he don't swear at Dennis again, Well that was that, the door flew open and Mark flew out after it, he was shocked to land on his arse on the pavement, I slammed the door shut but then realised I still had his coat, so I opened the door again to find him still sitting there, he said sorry Paul as the coat wrapped itself around his head, he phoned up the next day to really apologise.
One of my drivers was a guy named Gary, I can only describe Gary as a nut case, some nights he was a real funny guy but on others he would turn up at strange times and with some strange things, their are three amazing stories to share about Gary, one night at about 2am, I was standing on my door taking in the night air, when I saw Gary pull up, he would sit there beckoning me over to show me something, this night he got out of the car and opened his boot to reveal a box full of forged £50 notes, the only way you could tell they were forged was because every single one contained a watermark of the Queen......with a beard, now you tell me why anyone would go to the trouble of making such good copies and then putting an unshaven monarch onto them, he wanted £8 each for them, I declined and he drove off. Another occasion he pulled up and in the boot was a pump action shotgun with smoke emerging from it, I was startled a bit, I asked him what he had done, he told me that he had been driving past Battersea Park and wondered what the gun would sound like, so he had hopped over the fence into the park and fired it, bare in mind it was about 2.30am, I told him he was mad and closed my door quickly. But the best one for me was the time he pulled up in a Mercedes people carrier with blacked out windows, calling to me "Paul, Paul, its Crespo" he then slid open the rear door and in the back was
Hernan Crespo, Chelsea's Argentinian forward and his wife, they could not speak a word of English, and to say they were bemused when Gary would not let them out, he slid the door closed and said " I thought you would like to see him " and then drove off.
