Just About Me 20

It was about time I bought a car, I thought, so I bought a Ford Escort Automatic, a white one, only thing was I neglected to take a driving test or tax and insure it. One day I was driving Mandy to work in Brentford, we were going along the Goldhawk Rd, Shepherds Bush when I glanced in my rear view window, following close behind was a police car, I figured that if I started doing left and right turns that this may just raise a few suspicions with them, so I carried straight on, the next set of traffic lights were red so I naturally stopped, as they changed I saw the police flashing there lights  at me, I figured they were not thanking me in the well known motorist fashion, no indeed, they were not happy. They pulled me over and I was greeted by a police sergeant whilst a young fresh faced cadet went to talk to Mandy, he asked my name, I replied Paul Stevens, he asked my address, I replied 46 Sullivan Ct, he asked me a whole bunch of other questions and then went to confer with the cadet, I could see them comparing notes, the sergeant walked back over to me and asked me did I have a middle name or an alias, I tumbled straight away that Mandy had given my real name and she had heard Sulivan Court mentioned and gave my parents door number 48 to the cadet, what I replied in my opinion was pure genius, " I know whats happened " "she has given you the name Paul Allen at 48 Sulivan Court" " you see I am married and I am trying to give her one ". Well blow me down if the sergeant goes and pats me on the shoulder and exclaims " I understand son" so I pushed my luck and asked why he stopped me "get a tax disc son". I got back in the car telling Mandy to just look straight ahead, I pulled away and the police car turned around and drove off, Mandy asked me what I had said, when I told her she was not too happy, but I still laugh at this and I still think it was pure genius.

My wife's Auntie Ruby is a typical elderly London woman, her language can be flowery to say the least, but you will not meet a nicer more generous person, we used to take Ruby to Macro in Park Royal and she would treat us to lunch in the restaurant, she ran a luncheon club for the local senior citizens and I am sure she never really realised that she was older than a lot of the punters. She also owned a caravan in Leysdown on the Isle of Sheppy in Kent. We all used to go there for weekends, it was whilst we were there that I met a bloke named Kenny Abrahams, Ken's daughter had married Ruby's son. He worked as a Residential Housing Caretaker for the London Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham (LBHF), he suggested that I apply to become a Caretaker as they were recruiting new staff, I honestly thought that you had to have been in the service's and that I would have no chance, but Ken talked me into it and you know what I only went and got an interview. I turned up and met the man conducting the interview, it soon became apparent that Ken had put a word in and I became a Residential Housing Caretaker.

Just About Me 19

I had been signing on for about a month when a couple we knew, Cath and Lawrence asked us both round to dinner, whilst there Lawrence asked me if I fancied working at the same place he was at for £100pw, in a warehouse in Kings Cross, London. The job entailed working at the back of a dingy warehouse putting plastic bags over the top of women's dresses, well you cant really say no when your out of work can you? So off I went to Kings Cross, about three months later I was on my way to work and posted my P45 form back to the unemployment office thinking it was probably about time to sign off, when I got to work my manager asked me to work on a rush job that had to be completed , thing was it had to be completed at the front of the warehouse, on the street in fact. So I started with all good intentions, after 15 mins or so the sun came out and it became  glorious spring day, so glorious that I downed tools, walked in to get my coat and told the manager that " I am off home now" , "what do you mean" he exclaimed, I explained that the sun was shining and that I was used to being out in the fresh air and frankly hated working in his warehouse, so off I went. When I got home the realisation set in that I had now sent my signing off form back on the same day that I had walked out of my job, I was a bit worried what Mandy would say but she was by now used to my stupid moods and had witnessed enough silly things by me to say nothing. Well now I had to get a job quickly to get the sack from because in them days you could go straight on the dole if you were sacked, so I took a job after a couple of weeks of lazing round as a shelf filler for a supermarket, two days in my plan was complete I had put my finger into two jars of fish paste and scooped the contents into my mouth. Well as you can imagine the boss was not to happy about this and grabbed me by the arm a bit roughly, I informed him that that may not be a good idea and to let go a bit lively or he would regret it, he sacked me on the spot. I got home just in time to watch Liverpool play Juventus in the Heysal Stadium as the match had been delayed due to the murdering scousers actions that night, it was May 1985. The next day I signed on again and everyone was happy.